Homie, lover or friend: Which do you want your partner to be?

Kind of think the post is stupid. We want a partner to be ALL OF THESE. But the hypothetical is: “If you had to choose, which of these would you most want your partner to be?”

For me, the order of importance is:

  1. Friend. Specifically, the Must Friend (support group) from the Dunbar on Friends post. Principal advisor, shared social activities, and communication are the main thing I seek.
  2. Lover. Initially I put this last, but I guess maybe it is slightly more important than Homie. I’ve gone years between women and have no expectation with the ones I date. There is more utilitarian value to this one than the Homie, so it gets a slight edge.
  3. Homie. Keeps me accountable, accompanies me on activities, clicks with my other homies. I laughed at this one because I other than keeping me accountable, this one is useless to me. My “activities” are things I can do alone like reading, watching a movie, watching sports, eating out. Sure, they are better with others (even reading: book clubs), but I do not go out of my way to bring others into the activity. And I outside of weekly hanging out with a brunch group, I do not have much social activity AND times when I do, I start shedding activities because I am stressed to the point of becoming an asshole by it all.

Which begs the question… Do I really need a wife or girlfriend when I’m not really interested in two of the three?

Dating For Black & Mixed Race Singles

We all have different needs in a relationship. For some, sharing common interests is a must; others need their partner to always have their back; and for some, being sexually compatible is imperative.


R&B star R. Kelly famously sung of having a lady who fulfilled all his needs in his hit song Homie Lover Friend. But what if you couldn’t have all three?

Check out our definitions below then tell us: If you had to choose, which of these would you most want your partner to be – your homie, your lover or your friend?




1. They’ll keep it real 

Keep it real 

A homie will have your back no matter what, but won’t shy away from telling you – in no uncertain terms and sometimes with a lack of sensitivity – if they think you’re making a bad decision. Their delivery can be a bit harsh…

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