Introvert -> Depression

I operate mostly in my own head. My favorite activities (reading, driving, walks in the woods, surfing the Internet, writing) give me the solitude and time to mull over things. The issue here seems to be when something happens, I need to stop thinking, so I need some type of activity I enjoy that snuffs out the neural activity dwelling on the problem.

  • As an introvert, doing something with a bunch of people is going to make me retreat into my home and think. Only now I also feel bad for not being normal.
  • One week ago, I know I’d hang out with a specific person only now that’s off the table.

In the past, video games were a great way to stop thinking. But, I then I tend to get lost in them. (Read: addicted) My grades plummeted the first time I asked out a girl and was rejected. And the second time. Both times, I retreated into playing video games as much as I could which left no time for homework or other stuff. Eventually I had to choose between relieving stress via video games or getting enough sleep that I was not an asshole at risk of losing my job. Well, I had to make that choice several times.

Another problem is pulling away from everyone. I know that’s a bad response. Especially because it likely will cause a feedback loop that will be harder to break in the long-run.

The other issue really is reaching out to others. The two helping me are basically advising to “stop thinking about it” and “let it go.” Which, I wholly agree, I should. Just nothing has really worked to this point.


Dunbar on Friends

Even Facebook can’t help you have more than 150 real friends

  1. We have about 5 people in our support group of closest friends. (aka Must Friends: a best friend, a member of your inner circle, a person you count on when something big happens in your life)
  2. We have about 15 more people in the sympathy group with whom we confide. (aka Trust friend: a friend who shows integrity, someone you feel comfortable with, that you’re always glad to see, but not in your inmost circle; perhaps someone you’d like to be closer to, if you had the time or opportunity)
  3. 50 more are are close friends (aka Rust friend: a person you’ve known for a long, long time; you’re probably not going to get any closer to that person, unless something changes, but a part of your life)
  4. 150 more a casual friends (aka Just friends: a person you see — at a weekly poker game, at your child’s school — who is enjoyable company, but you have no desire to socialize outside a specific context or to get to know that person better)
  5. 500 more are acquaintances.

Total: 720
And… we can identify about 1500 faces.

Me? I sometimes have about one person in the support group. My sympathy group is probably about right with 15-16 people. My close friends and casual friends are smaller than they ought to be with lots and lots of acquaintances.

Also, certainly people move up into a better category as we get closer. And others fall down into a lower one as we lose touch.

2016-MAR-08: Updated with the Buddy System labels


The other day someone said I hate another person. I responded that I did not hate them. Instead my expectations are not being met by them. So they cause me frustration at all the energy expended in vain to help them reach goals.


My RSS feed reader usually has at least 500 subscriptions. I look at an average of 360 posts a day (don’t read everything). Prioritizing the subscriptions is the way I keep on top of it all.

So what do the priorities say about me? Here is the list….

  1. local news
  2. work news
  3. maintenances
  4. friends
  5. friend of friends
  6. social network beyond friend of friends
  7. photographers not in above
  8. online learning
  9. other higher education + government + legal
  10. general news
  11. science fiction
  12. science
  13. humor
  14. vendor propaganda
  15. Baha’i

These have a number in front of the category name to force the reader to order them. Lots of other categories don’t have a number. Those tend to back up quite a bit. I do cull the list from time to time, but I enjoy reading it all.