I have lived alone for a decade. And just a roommate for another decade prior. OK, most of that was with my father, but after the first few years, he stopped trying to control me as a child because… well, I was too independent.
This woman I have been seeing has needs. I enjoy the cuddling and kissing. It may not be an every day need for me like it is her.
The scariest thing about all this is the disruption to routines, shifting priorities, and juggling my deadlines.
For me, it is easy to find a reason to end it. My Imposter Syndrome notes all my flaws showing why I am not deserving. I try to keep it in check by ignoring it. The thoughts run through my head, but I try not to base my actions around them.
The other day Fiona* says she has a “secret” to tell me. There is this long pause. Like several minutes long. Which means my brain is going through *ALL* the scenarios. She is breaking up with me. She is really a guy. She is knocked up. She is moving far away. It ended up being sweet and cute.
I did end up offering something back to her.
*Not her real name
Wow, according to wordpress.com, I have had this site for 9 years.
- 142 posts
- 38 from 2016
- 26 from 2015
- 5 from 2014
- 15 from 2013
So 45% of my posts have come from the past year and 1/3rd. They are mostly about dating which is funny because I do not that much, but I guess it has been on my brain the past few months more than normal.
And I would not post about this stuff on Facebook or Tumblr, so this obscure blog out of the way. Sure. Why not?
Single Redditors, why do you think you are single? Some of my favorites…
I don’t know what I want from a significant other. The idea of being in a relationship sounds great but I can never find someone who makes that idea seem worthwhile. link
It’s like falling in love with a fancy sports car. It’s beautiful, it’s fast, it’s sexy, it’s loud. All the things you want. But it’s more than just what you want. It’s also expensive, bad for the environment, you worry too much about making sure it doesn’t get damaged. Yeah going with a pretty decent mid range car might be settling, but getting that perfect sports car with all of those aforementioned problems is also settling, in a way. There is never going to be a perfect car, but there will be one that is right for you. And her problems won’t feel like a burden, but just part of the joys of car ownership. Like rotating tires and getting a new paint job when she hits middle age because shes got a bit of hail damage. link
This is why we need to spend more research money on sex robots. Programmable humans. Replicants – the pleasure models. Let’s make it happen before 2030 link
People I’m attracted to terrify me. link
I have put literally 0 effort into not being single link
In Dunbar on Friends I wrote about the different kinds of friends. In the Savanna Theory of Happiness, people living in sparse density areas and with higher frequency interactions with close friends are happier. Satoshi Kanazawa and Norman Li leverage Dunbar to basically explain we are happier when in smaller communities because our evolution has not yet caught up to our societies. Only… More intelligent people have the capacity to thrive in more dense areas without as much time with their friends.
I find this curious because it would suggest more intelligent people are extroverted. Pro-introvert researchers claim people who avoid social interactions are the more intelligent ones.
I tend to go with the safe picks in dating. My imposter syndrome dictates that I feel undeserving of good things. That generous, beautiful, intelligent woman falls completely out of my league. There is no way she would be interested in a geek, freak, and all around reject like myself. Her laughter at my jokes sounds hollow with platitude.
Friends express disappointment in my picks. They picture me with the generous, beautiful, intelligent woman. Instead I barely muster the courage to handle the nice, homely, average woman.
It will never work because how can one build a relationship on a facade?
Oncologist Theodora Ross was on NPR’s Fresh Air to talk about cancer, genetics, and how it directly affected her. Her husband sent an email to his coworkers:
You may have noticed I’ve been unusually busy and stressed lately. And I thought it important to share with you some personal information… The medical issues are complex and distressing. As a result, Theo and I are quite preoccupied as we work to resolve them. I am sure you can understand this is personal. And know that you will respect our privacy by keeping this information confidential.
I realize you may be concerned. But please do not ask for updates or additional information from me or Theo as we are trying to figure this stuff out ourselves.
As a teen, when I was in a cast, people at school had to ask about how I was coping and how it happened. Constantly. Everyone had to know. I hate being the center of attention, so dealing with people was harder than dealing with the actual injury.
Subsequent medical things have not had obvious physical manifestations, so I have been able to keep mostly quiet about them. The gossip machine still spreads the word about them making me uncomfortable. Obviously I need to be better about asking people to respect my privacy.